In Part 1 of this series we discussed fear of rejection of your words when you’re speaking. If you missed that post, be sure to check it out here. Part 2 concerns fear of rejection of your expertise, which you can read here.
One more way fear of rejection shows up as speaking anxiety is this: You’re afraid they’ll reject you as a person. Will they like you?
How This Fear Might Look
Each of us has her own insecurities about this. Do any of these sound familiar?
- You have something important to say, but it might not make it popular. So you’re writing and re-writing your talk, trying to figure out how to present it.
- You’re comparing yourself to somebody people are obviously attracted to, thinking there’s no room for you. So what’s the point of speaking?
- You’re unfamiliar with the people you’re about to talk to, thinking, “I don’t know who I should BE for this crowd. I better stick with people I know.”
“Know, Like and Trust” Factor
We’ve all heard the marketing wisdom that people do business with people they know, like and trust. And that’s absolutely true. But remember – you’re doing business! You’re not speaking to find a date or a new best friend. So it’s important to keep your perspective here.
You can’t force people to like you, anyway. There are some folks you’ll click with, and others may feel lukewarm about you. And that’s fine. There’s more than enough business to go around, so there’s no need for everyone to like you – even if that were possible.
The KLT factor builds over time. It’s a by-product of showing up consistently and being genuinely you. If you set out trying to get people to like you, it backfires. People feel manipulated and distrustful.
The Solution
Change your question from “Will they like me?” to “How can I serve?” It’s that simple. Keep your focus on what you can do for your listeners. That’s what they ultimately want from you, anyway. Right? Get your thoughts off yourself and on to your clients and customers.
Take time to remember your passion for what you’re doing and why you got into in the first place. When you bring those feelings to your speaking, with your desire to serve, that fear of rejection is history!
What’s your experience with this? Post a comment and join in the conversation. And if other speaking fears are holding you back, contact me and let’s get you moving.